my daily thank you notes

Hunger Games: the day after

2012-01-17T18:20:00.000-08:00

the thing i hate (detest, despise, absolutely abhor) about good books is that they always go away. and you have no one to blame but a back cover (for being there) and your own eyes for not moving slower. and what good would going slower do? the stack of pages grasped in my left hand would only get thicker no matter the pace of my pupils. I just finished reading The Hunger Games yesterday (Monday) after buying it Sunday afternoon. I was just starving, fighting, running, killing and now i'm back on my couch eating grapes with socks on. i hate that. and no, the phrase "all good things must come to an end" doesn't really cut it.

also feel like i should be able to say "bye" to someone; be able to write someone letters after such a departure or have a few handy photographs hanging around somewhere to remember and reminisce but Katniss isn't a someone. She's only words on a page. Isn't that heartbreaking to think about? I remember feeling this same way about Harry (Bella, Jonas, Frodo, Tom, Anne) once upon a time.

i can't get no

2012-01-12T21:26:00.000-08:00

all things are full of weariness;
a man cannot utter it.
the eye is not satisfied with seeing
the ear is not satisfied with hearing.

ecclesiastes 1:8

It's a sleepy night. Eric's been snoozing* for a solid hour and I'm still

trying to get myself under the covers. I appreciated this verse tonight
when I opened to Ecclesiastes. I know I always try to find uplifting verses
full of promises and sunshine (unicorns, summer vacations that never end...)
but tonight I enjoyed the "I hear ya." sentiment. It's a weary world. Sit tight.

*snoozin' and treats. treats and snoozin'. (just a lil Marcel the Shell shout out.)

the heartbeat of life again

2012-01-10T21:07:00.000-08:00

While I've been ignoring this blog (I apologize to my few + faithful readers ) during the past couple months, I've been mailing many many handwritten, real life thank you notes. Thank you for coming, thank you for my graduation gift, thank you for my christmas gift, thank you for hangin in there with me and every other sort of gratitude-infused message.

While I'm thankful for everyone in my life-- people who come to see me, people who get me beautiful things, people who look out for me and encourage me -- I am also completely relieved that the season of getting, giving, seeing, wrapping, shopping is over and that life has resumed a quiet lull. If this lull were a color it would be grey. A beautiful color to sit in after the array of neons that proceeded it. It's back to Eric and me and my slippers in the evening. I can dust or read or switch the lamp and the couch around because that's what I feel like doing.

It's here that I can feel the heartbeat of life again. I can hear myself think and begin to, gingerly, gather all my thoughts together and craft a direction and dream for myself. I use the word dream lightly. For instance, if I dream about making a hair appointment, I am allowed the freedom to do so. Similarly, when I dream about moving back to the East Coast, I also feel the freedom to begin inching in that direction. The fog of academics and holiday frenzy has finally been lifted and I can put my sails up once again in the life-giving, cool breeze of a hushed mid january.

as a graduate from college i will now....

2011-12-10T23:07:00.000-08:00

1. sleep well.

2. eat well. grocery shop and stuff. and use multiple burners on the stove. and heck, maybe i'll even use the oven too.

3. feel a little more optimistic that Eric will break down and allow me to get a dog.

4. figure out where the end stopped and where the begining starts. i feel i'm in the middle of two very great things. for now still staring blankly at 'school' as it pulls out of the driveway and disappears down the road. i'm half delirious with happiness and partly feeling like i just lost a big chunk of my reason for existing. (nobody needs me to get make a project and write a paper about it? but why?)

5. start thinking about what i really care about. and what exactly i don't care about.

6. change my last name to bushaw. i know i keep promising to do this. but i really will. this is getting out of hand. i mean really.

7. make like a salmon and go back home.

8. finish reading the seven books i'm in the middle of right now. One of which I highly recommend: Pain: The Gift That Nobody Wants is a book written by Dr. Paul Brand about his work with leprosy patients. The man is my hero. This book is completely buried deep beneath heaps of readings lists, best sellers, classics, etc. I found it sort of by accident and it's proved to be one of the most compelling books I've ever read.

9. come up with some sort of quick, painless and vague statement to appease and reassure the masses when they ask "so, what do you plan to do now?"

10. be very nice to Eric while he graduates next semester because he was very nice to me while i generally acted like a crazy woman/fussy little baby during finals.

2011-11-08T19:17:00.000-08:00

2011-10-13T09:32:00.000-07:00

#82

2011-10-09T23:01:00.000-07:00

today was a particularly bad day. mostly sad, a little heartbreaking and entirely unbearable. which means it is particularly important that I find the things I'm thankful for:

1. my church (i've been totally blessed by michael hildalgo's unique, fresh + powerful perspective. every sunday i feel like i could just keep on sitting and listening until the sun goes down. i'd just need some light snacks here and there.)

2. reading the beginning of mark 10: 21 'jesus looked at him and loved him' i've read this story so many times and have never seen that beautiful little phrase. (have you?!)

3. an extra long walk from our parking spot to church because of a race that blocked a major road. i love walking. nothing quiets my mind + heart quite like a good walk. impromptu walks are even better. not to mention that the sun was new + bright and the air was perfectly cool.

in contrast, this was a particularly good day.

(our 1 year anniversary trip to the moutains)

bad days arn't bad. they're just unpleasant.
i made it through and now i whole heartedly welcome my pillow.

#81 chill

2011-10-07T09:06:00.001-07:00

{my favorite fall pics}

i'm grateful for the chill in the air yesterday. teeth chattering. the collar of my chunky cardigan unfolded to protect my neck from the icy wind. arms crossed and locked against my chest in a desperate attempt to stay warm. grateful that God is moving everyone indoors again for a while to teach us about change + cycle and how very capable we are of adapting and enjoying it; even how refreshed + cleansing change can be.

#80: happy birthday to the mister + the sister.

2011-09-28T05:42:00.000-07:00

(^^would you just look at that face! oh it kills me. )

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO...

ERIC (my hubs)
+
CHALICE (my baby sis)

you wanna get her something but you just can't think of the perfect gift? help her get to + be able to stay in Uganda! She's almost to her goal of raising the entire amount. (entire amount means she stays for the whole 6 months. if she dosen't reach that, she's coming home early. that's no good!)

If anyone should go + stay in Uganda to love on babies who need it, it's Chalice. Wish her a happy birthday + then make it happy by giving her exactly what I know she wants more than anything else !

(and yes i'm shamelessly plugging my sister because I believe in her mission, her drive + her capabilities. she will transform lives. i have no doubt.)

if you'd like to be her launching pad, contact her here for more info on how to support her.

on a designer's role:

2011-09-21T08:23:00.000-07:00

"like a small voice that gets attention in a crowded train station, we know that the way to get someone's attention is not by shouting but by making deep and lasting connections. we know what it takes to make an idea resonate in a world weary of too much information, too many frusterations and far too many people wasting our time."

Howard Belk

#79 happy when i get to be carefree again

2011-09-20T17:10:00.001-07:00

when your a design student you just don't get too much creative freedom.there's a whole lot of problem solving, aligning, balancing + calculated adjustments but not a lot of glue under my fingernails or snippets of paper littering the ground around me.(like in the old days when the dining room table was perpetually piled high with paper and magazines and buckets of art supplies.)

that's why i'm grateful whenever i can be creatively messy + free again.

i helped eric do the above project for an art eduation class he took last semester. he had to make a lesson plan + then produce the art that he would expect from his middle school student. so he lesson planned it and i promptly reverted back to being a 13 year old. btw, one of the perks of marriage is that you become one so if i do a portion of his project it's just like he did it. see, EVERYONE should get married. there's just all sorts of fantastic loop holes like this ;)

i actually threw this project away. i have a problem with getting rid of things. (i swear nothing stays in my house for more than sixth months.) but just had to photograph and share it with you.

happy tuesday evening!

#79 good layouts + gorgeous photographs

2011-09-18T20:04:00.000-07:00

I wish i knew exactly how to channel my enthusiasm whenever I crack open the cover of a particularly promising magazine + find beautiful, gasp-worthy spreads inside. I haven't found an outlet yet. help me. do i rip it out and frame it for a bit? do i call a friend? do i scan it in to my computer and quickly email the ones I know will gush like me? this time, I slowly flipped through the pages --back and forth and then back and then forth in no linear way, just soaking it up. I shared my magical floppy book with both my husband and his brother, neither of which looked like might cry (the way i felt.) but, it felt good and incredibly fitting to simply share.

needless to say, this magazine won't be hitting the recycle bin anytime soon.

(p.s. if you happen to pass october 2011 issue of vogue at a newstand by you, please take a minute to crack the cover. and if you feel the need to rip pages from something dosen't belong to you, know that i've been in your shoes and you're not crazy. you just like good layouts and gorgeous photographs. and then buy the thing and be at a complete loss for what to do next.)

#78 i like brother dynamic

2011-09-10T19:25:00.000-07:00

saturday night with the boyz.

(eric & bryan bushaw, everybody)

had a lot of sister dynamic growing up.

not a ton of brother dynamic.

i like watching these brothers together.

#77: thankful that I matter (& that I don't.)

2011-09-05T23:04:00.000-07:00

sleepy shots taken during a gas station stop on a car trip from georgia to colorado.

eric is such a worker and a helper i will always marvel.

It's the end of Monday and I'm happy for a long day of solid work, a 3 block walk in the hazy afternoon sunshine to 'Sunflower Market' to meet my boy, a sample of sliced lunch meat before buying a whole bundle and a simmering evening with sausage, fleetwood mac, and a little bit of phil collins for good measure. I'm thankful for a short and sleepy pillow chat before Eric was gone for the night. Now I'm up letting my mind wander down from it's place high in the clamour of the day. Usually after Eric goes to sleep--when his breath becomes rhythmic and his body is still and low--- I slip out from under the covers and go find something to do.

I am thinking tonight about how much I change my mind about myself. Do you know this feeling? If I'm feeling good, it's because hey, I am good. I've always felt good and I always will. How could I ever doubt it? I'm going good places, meeting lovely people and becoming the person I always thought I would be. All is well if not completely perfect. And it's funny how all it takes it one awkward moment, one bad conversation or exhaustion during a hot day at work and I'm so unhappy with who I am, where I am and where I'm going.

Simply put, this is where I return: I was created within my spot in the world. I am loved by the source of love. I am achingly valuable simply by existing. It is poignant to feel alone and miserable. It is a blessing to feel otherwise. In the bliss and sweat of it all there is sacredness and truth.

But ultimately, and most wonderful of all, I am not/don't have to be the center of my existance. I needn't go up and down with myself all day long wondering who I am in the midst of it. (I can, but I'd only become dizzy and maybe a little sick.) There is something so much bigger and better that demands my attention.

The answer is not to figure out myself. The answer is to shift my focus (completely. entirely. utterly. and only by grace.)

"Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me" Matthew 25:40 

# 76 : a yearly reminder

2011-09-01T16:27:00.000-07:00

'Cyclical' | oil on canvas. my final project for Color Theory during sophomore year

I've always mildly hated the dawn of September. It's an awful ending to something glorious and downright dreamy; a stone wall smack in the middle of a beautiful, down hill bicycle ride. It's the big sigh at the end of a long, drawn out laugh that leaves you slightly depleted solely because of the new absence and, realizing that the lighthearted moment is gone, you dutifully get back to washing dishes. The flipping of the calender usually displays a jar of pencils or an obnoxiously yellow school bus or something equally as depressing and unsurprising (the dreaded apple with a ruler propped nearby). Although I will say, in defense of calenders, that my Andy Warholone is currently displaying some technicolor high heels which is immensely satisfying and subtlety thrilling. I'm not one of those people who loves school supplies. ( In fact, I try really hard not to buy them. ever. Just use the ends of old notebooks and pens I find in the car & try my best to pretend like I won't have to do that much class work at all, really.)

However, the 9th month of every year will always hold a huge amount of poignancy for me because I was born on it's very last day. On that same day each year I grow that much older and sink 365 days deeper into this gritty story of life.

So despite tight schedules, routine, empty sheets of paper waiting to be filled, sitting for hours at a time, homework in the late evenings and bitter early mornings, i love September. It's my reminder that time never rewinds, that I am always and unavoidably moving forward and that my adventure is ever so slowly wrapping up and I'd better make the most of it.

rabbits & rain

2011-08-27T19:56:00.000-07:00

waiting out/surviving the storm by sewing 116 bunnies for Chalice's bunny project. (see post below or go to www.bunniesforbugembe.com)

The news--the only other activity--- is seemingly on a repeating circuit. Needles, thread, scissors, felt, glue & plenty of dishes full of snacks--mostly sugary & salty, yum!-- are helping us cope with the cabin fever. and the intense disappointment that today was dreamed to be our big beach day in ocean city. beach, sand, towels, boardwalk fries..the whole bit.

not happenin.

for right now, hunkering down in our neighbors home (higher ground!) hoping the flood with bring some raft-worthy tides to our front steps just like her sister Isabel from 2008. (c'mon c'mon c'mon.)

it's a beautiful heart + it's uganda bound.

2011-08-08T10:58:00.000-07:00

the little United States can't hold it anymore.

Chalice, her big heart + i-can-do-it-faster-and-better work ethic
are moving where they can be used to their full + wonderful potential.
(early september is the launch date.)

it's gonna be epic, everybody.

girl is doing what she was born to do.

please support her effort.
(( her kind of human dosen't happen along everyday. ))

buy a handmade rabbit
+
help chali spread his love to the littles of Uganda:

maybe not overtly thankful. maybe just notes.

2011-07-16T20:31:00.000-07:00

i have a little time before bed and a tiny smidge of energy left so i thought i'd blast out a blog post. here's what happening to this girl sitting in a bitty apartment on Grove Street somewhere between thinking life would be a dream and realizing it might turn out to be a tad more realistic.

*I have 2 more final projects to do. I'm terrified of final projects. I always will be. I thank God that he's only putting me through one more semester so I will no longer have final projects. It's not the "project" part that unnerves me it's the "final" part. Nothing should be labled final until Jesus comes back (or part 2 of movie of harry potter comes out in theatres, i guess)

*I've spent that past two days finishing up a book I designed for a class called "Senior Seminar". I truly spent all friday working on ONE friggin thing. 7:00 a.m. - 12:00 midnight. and yes, 2 hours this morning and another hour tonight. Tomorrow I will bind my book. (which is kinda exciting--red wiro binding w/ screen print design printed by Eric B. I know.)

* Right after I'm finished binding my book, I will start on my project that's due next monday. And then break somewhere in the middle of that to do a project that due Thursday.

*I will love when I am out of school for the summer. I am planning out beautiful, slow-motion, sunshine-glimmering outings in which I will do every summer thing I have denied this far: floating on a noodle in a pool, lying in the grass, eating some icecream sitting on a curb, long walks at night because it's cozily warm, camping (who am i becoming?!), getting even more freckles across my shoulders and nose because me and the sun are just so desperate for each other.

*I've been missing my family alot lately. I've been missing the belonging that comes with having siblings and parents around. It's a wonderful passive belonging. I miss just belonging without having to prove it in some way. It's relaxing to feel that way. I will be happy to feel that again someday.

*I'm talking my diaper family. Not my wonderful Eric. I'm talkig she-chased-me-with-a-skillet-and-i-broke-my-toe-hurdling-into-the-laundry-room-door kind of family. That's the stuff.

* I miss being flustered and so perplexed and then my daddy calming me with wisdom & understanding in a phrase or two. In our front yard. By that old barrell. Admist some gusts of river wind tangled with cigar smoke.

* I got excited about being an intern next semester. Now I'm wondering if life ever becomes fun again. (Or do we just go on getting excited about working?) So now I'm planning some sort of serious & wild water park extravaganza to reintroduce myself to the concept of "fun". girl done lost her good mind.

*the nail on my right pointer finger is coming off. There's a tiny pink nailbed coming up where the black and bloodied nail veteran is taking it's sweet time to jump off the other end. The little bit of new nail is so delicately beautiful and full of potential. It's been so long. And it's taking everything i got not to just tear it off. It's really just kinda sitting there held on by some caked blood and fingernail fibers (technical term, yes.)

*Eric got me a new toothbrush yesterday that's made entirely out of recycled yogurt cups. And you don't throw it away. You put it back into it's packaging and ship it back to the magic land where yogurt cups transform into every day objects. They say it's just earth-friendly or something i guess but i think it's marvelous brushing my teeth with a yogurt cup.

Ima go use it.
sweet night dreams.

cell phone candids #3

2011-06-13T23:18:00.000-07:00

unloading my cell phone pics onto you because there is, shockingly, no room left. and what if something amazing happens and i can't take a picture of it? I'm doomed. member what happened with the elk last time?

enjoy my little life snaps that i can't seem to stop taking.

laying in the impressively lush and soft carpet of grass that's growing
like a champ in the park across from our house. sharing 1 freakin tiny pillow cause eric forgot to bring his. (i'll share. he smells ok.)

best take yo chairs inside cause i bout ta steal um.

the gigantic duggar family all stitched up rainbow style at some denver hipster gallery thing. these sort of juxtapositions make me all giddy-town

found this bright and vivid creature in a trashcan the day after valentines. funny how holidays come so slowly and go so quickly (saint patricks: full steam ahead.)

tobi's sink of dirty dishes would be visual poetry, wouldn't it? that girl don't miss a beat.

the only proof that i've ever been to a vegas night club. taken on my way to church the next morning. love my life of strange and wonderful juxtapositions. (i also believe that using the word 'juxtapositions' twice in one blog post is nothing but overkill.)

altogether exciting, alarming and enlightening.
(a discovery after we took some alleys and backroads walking home from dinner last week.)

i really do love my baby bu.

2011-06-03T21:50:00.000-07:00

i really do love eric.
he's the most amazing person i know.
i guess that's why or what makes me in love with him, right?
but honestly, as objectively as possible i'm saying this: he's amazing and unlike anyone i know. and i feel so honored and humbled to have him as my closest friend.

he is a gift to me everyday.

so everyday, but particularly today, i'm grateful for eric. he makes me feel light when i'm stressed and helps me see the big picture when i get narrow minded. he reminds me to laugh and to be friendly. i need those reminders. thanks for giving me something so amazing.

study on texture via vegas

2011-05-10T20:35:00.000-07:00

[las vegas made me feel a whole lot like charlie bucket this weekend.]

things to do

2011-04-29T14:49:00.000-07:00

1. new pens for school starting on monday

2. new attitude for school starting on monday (it's goal is NOT to kill you. [repeat])

3. change my last name. I think I just reached a place of peace about having TWO names that no one can pronounce or spell.

5. write more letters.

6. MORE tea, less coffee. my body will write me thank you notes.

7. read lots of books. fairy tales, novels, books about god, books about goats. just read.

8. more documentaries, less movies.

9. set that doctor's appointment.

10. go take the laundry out the drier & fold those suckas.

over & out.

#75 it's the little things

2011-04-21T09:22:00.000-07:00

photo by annie huntington

1. a customer came back to wordshop over the weekend to drop off a bouquet of flowers for me. just to say "thank you for helping me with my wedding invitations". sunflowers and tulips. Overwhelmed by the sweetness of that gesture, I went home and wrote three thank you notes to some dear people in my life.

2. Eric and I bought 5 dozen eggs at Safeway last night after I picked him up from class. 5 dozen eggs. (Eric kept repeating this to me on the drive home. I just smiled blissfully.) I will be the happiest breakfast-eater for a good while. No more skimpy 2 egg-breakfast. I'm going for 3. If the three meals of the day were a social heirarchy, breakfast would be the king. If we're in ancient greece, I might make it a god.

3. Robin, my mama in law, made us a dinner for 2 last night. Salmon with mango salsa, sweet pototatoes and brown rice. Raspberry crepes for dessert. Oh the simple granduer of a colorful, carefully-prepared meal. And one good episode of 'Survivor' to top it off.

4. The weather is getting warmer and there's a bush on the front lawn that has bright white blooms popping out all over it. It's simply exploded over the last three weeks. Is there a better sight to see after my walk home after work? I think not.

5. My Las Vegas trip with Lauren Mae to see Miss Tobi Anderson is only 15 days away. 15 days. That's like two weeks plus one day. I can do that. The only thing I want to see in Las Vegas is Tobi. She's all the sparkle I need. But if we happen to see some city glitz, that's okay with me.

#74 accomplished

2011-04-12T20:01:00.000-07:00

So it happened Sunday;
Despite some serious, coffee-impervious morning grogginess,
heavy snowfall during our drive and beyond freezing conditions
atop the mountain, we solidered on, with our 1980's model skis in tow.

I didn't notice until we were hunkered into our ski lift and being slowly pulled toward the summit that my skis had the words "light speed" enscribed on each one, each letter form bowed slightly forward to help with the concept. [clever.] Growing up in a generation of diet foods, I breathed a quick sigh of pure satisfaction knowing "light" to be the cozy cousin of "low". Oh jolly good. Wait. No. Nevermind. Light speed, says my slightly more intelligent self who attended science class and listened, is actually the fastest speed known to man. And indeed, compared with the hundreds of other skis I found sliding around this small, flat-topped snow station, mine were the very skinniest and proportionally the longest.

What does a girl from Maryland know about skis anyway?
Not enough to save her life.

On top of 12,000 feet of solid rock and earth topped with a slick coat of snow (and more mounting) with a couple of lightning fast boards attached to my feet, there's nothing left to do but to go down. And nothing I'd like to avoid more. Oh, and no poles. (My past, bad-ass Maryland-hill skier self says that they get in the way. But maybe, just maybe, they help with balance. )

Well I made it;
One good crack to the skull and a solid flip or two into a tree and down a short snow bank, but I made it, by the end of the day, back down to the valley of the living in Denver and to a un-threatening evening church service. My body still whole. Accomplished.

Despite the terror and frozen face, I don't think I'll stay away from the slopes for too long; something about the sore knee cap the next day that makes me feel invigorated about my "lightning fast" mortality and that, heck, life's either a daring adventure--or a crazy sunday trip to the mountains with skis you found for twenty bucks---or it's nothing.

the no-pole freak.

#73 lady

2011-04-07T17:26:00.000-07:00

Look what arrived at my door step today.

I decided to make the jump
from my half-hearted, wear it only on tuesdays, .27 ounce, roll-on perfume to the we-should-probably-exchange-vows, 4 ounce, spray version after

(a.) eric told me it made me smell "powerful."
yes, i got power-hungry.
he also said it made me smell "yummy" but that didn't inspire me as much. I'd rather smell like a president than an oreo.

(b.) a woman came into my shop with a good-smelling perfume and, no lie, turned my day around. I even told her so. she smelled like sunshine and daffodils. it was a beautiful moment. smelling good is a kind, thoughtful thing to do, i found out.

(c.) my stunningly kind-hearted boss, Jill, gifted me a surprise "thank you" gift card. yes, out of the blue. for a girl who relies heavily on encouragement, that was like a blood transfusion to a wounded and dying solider. Or like a big cup of orange juice right after you wake up. or the sunshine finally breaking out from behind that impossibly-massive and cursed-slow-moving cloud.

(d.) i read the short paragraph on the packaging [see below]. I want to be graceful! and evidently,lucky for me, refining your character is only half the battle. you also need to smell like you mean it! right? yes! It's not perfume. It's an attitude.

such a pretty little duo.

yes.

amazing grace
philosophy: how you climb up the mountain is just as important as how you get down the mountain. and so it is with life, which for many of us becomes one big gigantic test followed by one big gigantic lesson. in the end, it all comes down to one word. grace. it's how you accept winning with losing, good luck and bad luck, the darkness and the light.

-via the box for AG.

2011-04-06T09:15:00.000-07:00

#72
I'm thankful for eggs & strawberrys and half-moon kiwis; all of which i just gobbled up for breakfast.
heavy sleep. good breakfast. hot coffee. laughing before i'm out of my pajamas. i know your supposed to climb the ladder, be ambitious, dream bigger, set goals, move on up. (get a shiny car at some point with a quiet AC.) but sometimes i can't help feeling that i'm sitting in some beautiful space right now and have no desire for "bigger" or "better" but to just "be."

2011-04-05T20:05:00.000-07:00

Writing is
a process in which we discover what lives in us. The deepest satisfaction of writing is precisely that it opens up new spaces within us of which we were not aware before we started to write. To write is to embark on a journey whose final destination we do not know.

-Henri Nouwen

positive pointing #71: we have boots. i repeat, we have boots.

2011-04-04T17:46:00.000-07:00

Ski adventure update: As of yesterday afternooon, I now own a new (to me) pair of ski boots to use with my new (to me!) skis. Thank you, Craig's List, for sometimes sparing us the spooky let-downs and providing a shiny new pair of robotic footwear so I can fly down some icy slopes with my bestie. I appreciate that.

positive pointing #70

2011-04-01T09:27:00.000-07:00

Eric bought us skis!

(1 day off + thrift store roaming = skis, baby)

Keep in mind, I have not skied for 5+ years.
Keep in mind, Eric has snowboarded since he was 7.

Guess what that means?
New adventure for the Bushaws.

I'm grateful to Eric for believing that we're
always capable of trying new things.

(And that he knows me well enough to get me purple and hot pink skis.)

positive pointing #69: my master chef

2011-03-28T09:44:00.000-07:00

The difference between Eric and myself is that

when I'm trying to find the best cereals in aisle number 5,
He is having two lobster tails wrapped up in the seafood section.

I collect crock pot recipes, invest in a rice-maker, carefully edit our grocery list down to the "perfect" ingredients and find peace in getting the same things every time; anything to help with speed. I'd like to make my cooking time efficient and predictable so that it passes before I can get too grumpy or it gets too dark outside or I loose my appetite altogether from the quiet stress and heat of it all.

Eric buys new food everytime we're at the store. Slightly exotic, never pre-cooked and well, just slightly poetic looking. The length of the preparation directions do not discourage him, neither do the amount of dishes piling up in the sink as he dives deeper into dinner development. Chopping endless amounts of onions, peppers and leafy greens do nothing to slow down his undeniable rhythm, which only gets more snappy as the second hand slowly glides around the silver face on our kitchen wall. Nor does he notice that each burner on our tiny stove is occupying it's own boiling pot and or that he must reset the timer multiple times to include and calculate each one. He soliders on, peppering and spicing like he's jumping rope rather than managing a brood of steaming pots and wandering bits of vegetables that seem to have an agenda all their own.

While my dishes, I like to think, require a sophistated tongue able to pick up on each small, subtle flavor---the honest taste of wheat and small sweetness of a carrot---Eric flavors show no such modesty. A livid pack of salty, fresh, citrus, spicy and creamy rush through my mouth, seemingly abhorred at being kept in the pot or skillet for so long. They race around, putting on an achingly heartfelt and gloriously breath taking performance before happily exiting the stage, satisfied they've done exactly what they came to do.

Questions like "How did you make that flavor so strong?" do not find equality with answers like "Just a little bit of pepper." So I say my thank you and sit back with quiet wonder, assuming that the stove, the oven, the knives and those unsuspecting cutting boards are actually powerful weapons of ancient, dark magic that disguise themselves into ordinary, everyday objects only to come alive at the master's touch. I am still an unwilling apprentice to that magic, happy (daresay, overjoyed) to stay in the realm of 30-minute meals and following recipes so closely I could cry for the lack of required creativity. I'm shamefully satisfied that, at least, nothing has burned and that the sink has only four pieces that will need washing when I arrive at the other end of this (very tiring and isolatingly boring) endeavor which insists that I be banished to Kitchen only to be freed when I have produced something worthy of being set on a plate.

Upon quick reflection, my story is very similiar to a once-upon princess who was told to spin hay into gold and kept in small room until she was able to do so. Unfortunately, there is no Rumpelstiltskin to do the job for me. There is also no need for me to promise my necklace, my ring or my first-born child to him if he does, so that's a relief and a comfort.

Eric does it. I can do it. I just need to take it slow. Don't give myself a hard time. It'll come when it comes. Make mistakes. Do what I can with what I know and what I have, right?

I can't help thinking that a magic wand would also be helpful.

i am girl.

2011-03-25T12:32:00.000-07:00

Being the insistently loyal friend that she is, Lauren Mae took a lengthy study break this past Monday to trudge the 2 1/2 blocks from our apartment building to Starlet, a neigborhood boutique, to be my muse in a (intended to be)quick photoshoot. I have this gig where I shoot the newest arrivals about twice a month and then use them as I will in different arenas of marketing for the little shop. Major bonus: I get paid for throwing clothes all over Miss Mae and then click contentedly away on a borrowed camera.

She is such a muse, is she not?

Suddenly, somewhere in the middle of Lauren changing into the next suggested little frock and switching out one silk scarf for another, I'm 12 again. I'm upstairs with Sienna and Chalice and maybe a friend or two. We've switched out one mix cd for another and the volume is so loud that I can almost hear the soon-to-be footsteps of my mother approaching the bottom of the stairwell to yell up (so clear that it was as though she were standing atop my ear lope) "GIRLS! TURN THAT MUSIC DOWN!"

Picture discarded hangers spilling out of our open bedroom door and cascading down the wooden steps, two beds swelling with heaps of vintage dresses, curling irons left on and burning it's way through some unfortunate piece of nearby plastic. Cheap, throwaway dishes of makeup littering any exposed surface area with gobs taken out of the darkest purple. Our frightened dog, Jember, failing to thwart the attack of a 12 yards of yellow tulle that has wrapped itself around her unfortunately curly tail. Oh, the snacks. Buttery popcorn, chips laden with cheese dust and half-eaten, oozing sandwiches sitting dangerously close to the once-beloved belts and blouses of stylish young ladies from years long gone by.

Now there's less makeup, less people, less music.
More shots, more money (by being in a state of existence), more follow-through.

But all the same glory.
In every thread and well-cropped hem.

Do I feel silly snapping away in the back alley of a row of shops, having to pause each time a car rolls by for lack of space? Putting piles of hats nearby to switch out when needed? Piling scarves around my own neck as we move through the stack? Getting excited about lace, marrying solid to pattern and good necklines? Yes. Insanely so. Hoping-none-of-my-brother's-friends-see-me silly. But do I want to live my life this way? I hope I always do.

i never win these things. but you probably will.

2011-03-03T20:48:00.000-08:00

So this pillow is going to be given away to a randomly-selected person. I never ever win stuff like this. It's in my genetic makeup.

bingo games, prizes, drawings, put-your-name-in-a-hat nonsense.

only ONCE was I was the randomly selected winner at my school to recieve a $15 Amazon gift card. ME! Randomly selected. I don't even remember what I entered. I felt so loved--finally--by the gods and goddesses of random.

So i bought a pair of green keds with red shoelaces out of sheer jubilation
and then later gave them to my sister.

But you, you can win this thing. You've done it before
and you can do it again. And upon winning this you will experience
a short, indestructible burst of sheer jubilation.
You will imagine yourself as Rosie the Rocketeer,
polka-dot headwrap and all.
You are an American. This is the land of opportunity.
You determine your destiny! Anything can happen!
It will last minutes or days. Maybe even weeks.
and you will feel loved by no one imparticular. but loved all the same.
but , above all, victorious.
because, out of everyone, you were picked!
or rather, randomly selected!

to give it a shot: go here
for the joy, love & victory of it all!

and I'll whistle and cheer from the sidelines with my $10 pillows from bed, bath and beyond, thankyouverymuch.

2011-02-21T20:45:00.000-08:00

there are three things in
life that are important.
the first is kindness.
the second is kindness.
and the third is kindness.

-william james

positive pointing #68: happy snippets

2011-02-08T19:26:00.000-08:00

summer 09' egg-collecting excursion with Frannie produces five beautifully brown eggs. rag tag little one with bare feet and tangled hair and a bossy attitude towards a particularly insistent rooster. Forever after, I want a chicken coop. Not for the eggs themselves, necessarily, but just so I can go gather them or send barefooted children to.

this valentine's day, you should go get pizza together. down with reservations, red roses and chocolate boxes. (do that on tuesday) this is eric and me on our last evening of our honeymoon. we looked for a snazzy sushi place with absolutely no luck--they were all filled or too loud--- and landed at last at this quiet pizza joint around the corner from the main street. i think the trash can as a door stop says alot. it was beautiful. two pizzas & one large coke on the beach. yes please.

fabulous dots-of-color rings at starlet. they've have been keeping me company at the store for the entirety of my almost 2-year employment. They're joint color scheme makes me happy every time I see them all huddled together in the ring box. and sadly, it seems there destiny to remain so.

my wedding earrings. from sugar magnolia consignment boutique in cambridge, maryland (home country!) to the bridal ears of four good friends (maryland, california, georgia, tennesee) before they graced mine. so special, right? and so very vintage, classy bride.

positive pointing #69: morning shot

2011-01-26T10:19:00.000-08:00

yesterday morning, the first thing eric thought of to do was to take the camera off the sill on which it's been laying for the past couple weeks and snap a photo of me making him breakfast through the window between our bedroom and kitchen.

i'm not sure that using the flash through glasswas a great idea.
i'm pretty sure i added windex to our grocery list.
i'm pretty sure i felt like a persecuted hollywood star just trying to live a normal life.
also pretty sure it made me laugh after i saw eric's way-to-wide-for-this-early-in-the-morning grin peek out behind out army-green, finepix z point-n-shoot.

and i'm assured that when i was scrolling through my newest photos this morning i, the lover of snapshots that i am, fell in love with the strange angle, the curtain of vagueness over the whole image, mysterious speckles, the candid expression during an egg-making endeavor and a little hint of a beer bottle lable--our joint favorite--along the bottom portion.

positive pointing #68: a show starring eric, oliver & lucy.

2011-01-24T19:44:00.000-08:00

puppies trying desperately to catch a snooze

eric at his homework-doin, dog-duty station.

eric's solution for a quieter morning: don't let the dogs falls asleep all day so they'll sleep longer tomorrow and we can wake up by alarms insteads of barking and whining. a good solution that becomes funny when practiced:

"kyrie, throw the toy. throw it again. kyrie! they're laying down. throw the toy!!!" she's falling asleep! don't let her fall asleep! oliver, wake up! oliver!! wake up!! lucy's falling alseep. push her over!! lucy! get your toy! go get it!!" accompanied by lots and lots of clapping and snapping and occasional attempts to make dog sounds in an effort to "talk" to them and say things like "hey stay awake. hey, staying awake is fun. hey, i'm awake. you should be awake too! staying awake is the best." i'm sure he's speaking flawless, fluent dog and communicating seamlessly.

and when such words fail, he keeps saying "go crazsy, go crazsy, go crazsy" over and over in this quick crazed hushed tone that makes them go all bonkers and wierd.

is it really all worth the 30 minutes of sleep? probably not.
is it worth the hours of entertainment i'm recieving AND being made to participate in? YES.

baby, it's a lost cause.

the result of my time spent with lacey

2011-01-13T18:54:00.000-08:00

my hair tut. i love it!

(p.s. rats! i have bangs again! how does this keep happening?
love em. hate em. )

positive pointing #67: hanging out at lu's

2011-01-11T09:39:00.000-08:00

(lacey in orange)

gonna spend my tuesday morning at
Lucky Lu's hair salon to get muh color all did.

hang out with lacey

sit down for two hours

chat it up

read some lame but oh-so-satisfying magazines

feel wonderful doing it

feel whole afterwards (the roots are horrendous)
and ready to face the cold, snowy world.

positive pointing #66: it's a love story

2011-01-02T12:06:00.000-08:00

happy 1st anniversary to sienna & michael!
so happy to see your love continue & grow.
here's to more love, joy & growth in 2011 than you ever thought possible!

ps. i was really hoping that we could celebrate your wedding every year in the way we did on january 2, 2010. it was just too fantastic to do only once. lets plan on that dress, that music, that church, those candles, those banners, that dj. taylor swift jam too. same place, same time. we'll shoot for next year:)

positive pointing#65: a most decidely white christmas

2010-12-29T16:20:00.000-08:00

is there anything better to waking up on christmas morning with a world of snow and more falling?

i think not.

maybe maybe maybe, being seven would add to the splendor of it. michael was the only one giddy enough to build a snowman. the rest of us just admired the beautiful scene framed by curtains & a window sill.

(pictured: eric, michael&puppy rhino, sienna & myself)

positive pointing #64: i have a story

2010-12-21T20:32:00.000-08:00

In an effort to relieve my inner writing beast and to enforce some linear form on my tangled thoughts i thought i'd write a super quick, truly simple, blog-sized autobiography. heck, why not!

I am Kyrie Howard...

I grew up in a family of eight
my father loves to rubber stamp. he likes good postage stamps too. my mother is a great artist in disguise. her medium is life. our home was never clean. I always cleaned it. I dusted the tops of the frames and cleaned out the insides of the china cabinets almost every evening. I always finished my cleaning regime by vaccuming. under the dining room table too. I loved cleaning our laundry room. my mother never asked me to do these things. now that i have my own house, i love a good mess.

I have five siblings & we all have unique names given to us by our father.
I am called Kerry alot. I don't mind. My father collected our names from everywhere. I am a catholic mass. My sisters are an irish word for hillside, a crayola crayon color & another word for a goblet. my brothers are the name of a beer & the latin word for peace. some people collect thimbles, my father collects names. He named our cat and our dog. We wanted to name our cat Nova. My father named her Grendle. The villian from Beowolf.

I am the fourth down
I think my spot in the family has made me quiet and peaceful. These are the two most-used adjectives that are used to describe me. I used to hate being called quiet. I still do. I'm not quiet, i'm thinking. If I had something to say, I'd say it. I like to listen. I am quiet in groups. I do not like being the center of attention. I do not like speaking in public. I like to read aloud. I really like talking to one person. I love to ask questions. I think this is because my dad always encouraged me to ask questions.

I was homeschooled during most of my pre-college education
I think this accounts for my incredibly flexible view of my future and my inability to stick to something for too long. Homeschooling made me rubber in a concrete world. Homeschooling made me feel like I was a lucky kid who got to take the secret 'back road'. I took tests on my own and graded my own tests. studying was fun. I was intensely self-motivated. I once emailed the author of my textbook to ask him whether or not i should mark a particular test answer wrong or right. i couldn't tell if i had the right idea or not. I was ecstatic to have a teacher--so cool!. he emailed me back that i should mark it wrong. no fun.

I grew up by the river, in a small town. population: 12,000
My mom knew almost everyone. She didn't know anyone's name but she would always guess and usually get the first letter right. My siblings and I used to take turns going over to our neighbor's house to borrow a disney movie--a VHS in those big plastic cases that made nice, low squeaking noise when you opened and closed it. Sometimes we'd go in groups of two. Their house always smelled strongly of cigarette smoke. My mother seldomly drove us anywhere. My father insisted we walk. We walked and biked everywhere. When we got scooters for Christmas, me and my two sisters scootered everywhere. mostly up and down our dead-end street.

I like to write. essays, poems, status updates.
I like to write because my father liked to read. I think he likes to write too. I think he likes words in general. And correct grammar. I remember he read a paper of mine in middle school and he told me mom "She dosen't know how to write." I think I had lot of grammatical errors. I learned how to write. I learned how to love writing. I learned that you can't do anything well if you don't learn to love it first.

My faith is important to me.
I cannot live well (or very possibly at all) without knowing my purpose. knowing my purpose gives me direction in every avenue of my life. I also think that being a christian dosen't mean my life is easier. sometimes it makes things more confusing. how do i share something that people don't really want to hear about? everyone will share a pie with you. christianity is not like pie. i'm learning how to share it. I think that once you truly start living what you believe, then words become less necessary. I think it's really hard to live what you believe. I think words often come too fast. Actions, conversely, take a long time to cultivate. Doing is difficult. It is too easy for me to be judgemental and prideful when telling others about my faith. Listening is a better tool. When I talk, my mind floats into this strange area where I begin feeling superior. I begin feeling like i have the answers. I leave the conversation feeling ugly. So i've stopped thinking that I have the answers for everything. I've started thinking that there's alot of things worth struggling with. worth struggling alongside too. I also think that I'm learning and that letting myself mess up & get things wrong is okay. I'm learning how to be a christian everyday. I don't have it figured out. I think it is both incomparably satisfying and excruciatingly annoying to talk about human purpose. I am in graphic design because i believe i am designed.

I have always loved going to church.
we drove an hour to church every single sunday. I hated sitting in the back seat. I always loved sunday. I still do. As soon as i was old enough to write, my father bought me a bright yellow notebook from The Gap so i could take notes on the sermon. I always borrowed his pen and gave it back during the last hymn. I still take notes at church. I bring my own pen. i usually start getting excited on friday evening about sunday morning. it's like christmas every single week. just no tree.

I traveled to four countries in Europe when I was 14 with my 18 year old sister.
My sister wanted to go visit a guy friend in Slovokia. I don't think my parents wanted her to go alone. So they sent me with her. I was dead weight the entire time. I liked the old cathedrals. the nude beaches in greece made me feel like a nun in my one-piece. I read Moby Dick and The Adventure of Huck Finn. I liked Huck Finn best. I remember feeling very tired the whole time. i remember thinking that the women were dressed so nice all the time. we ate alot of small loaves of fresh bread. with jelly.

I love to work.
Mostly I love to organize and label. i like to put things away. i like to vaccum. i enjoy cleaning. i like creating systems to keep things orderly and running smoothly. i usually spend the last twenty minutes to an hour before bed cleaning up my apartment. i don't think about it, i just begin doing it. The empty space left behind on the couch by a coat i've just hung up makes me feel peaceful. I sleep better if the dishes are done. eric has yet to get used to this.

I went to Georgia for college when I graduated highschool. I was 17.
I never felt like i truly belonged at covenant college. It was a christian college and it made me feel strangely rebellious. i knew i wasn't rebellious so i knew i was in the wrong spot. i also felt like it was a predictable place for me to end up. A christian kid at a christian college with christian friends. And i felt that to be "truly christian" you had to leave everything comfortable behind and see if it still stood on two feet. otherwise, christianity was just something that made everyone feel really great and gave you alot of sweet friends. But i always felt loved at covenant and the most free to love than i ever had or have since.

I started dating my first boyfriend in the fall of my 18th year.
we met in drawing class. he stepped all over his charcoal drawing to make it smudge better. bizarre but wonderful. and then he took me to a concert and i fell asleep on the way back. I remember he told me that he "had to pee like a race horse" I think that's when i fell in love with him. he always looked out for me. he always took care of me. he always laughed. when i expected him to get upset, he laughed. it was very confusing. unpredictable. and also fascinating. i realized that i wanted him to be around me all the time because he made me laugh more and get upset less. everything was casual and held potential to be hilarious with eric around. i never felt like i had to be anything else but exactly me. he liked exactly me. he liked me more than i liked myself. and that was empowering, refreshing and mind blowing. alot of guys had crushes on who they thought i was. flattering but stressful. i remembering seeing him from across the school cafeteria just hours after he asked me to be his girlfriend. while i felt intensely proud and satisfied, i also felt foolish and confused. who was i to have "dibs" on a guy like that? i didn't attend any of his soccer games or make an effort to hang out with his friends. i didn't want to make a display of it. i just wanted to have some of his time.

In the fall of my 20th year I began attending a new school in Philadelphia.
bike rides and rain and echoing halls. lots of girls. Moore College of Art and Design was open exclusively to females. I liked the independence. i was giddy about being in an art school. i was numbingly intimidated. I liked the idea of living in the city. i didn't like living in the city. I like my teacher's hands. I cried alot. I made new friends--they were my first friends who didn't know my family. More importantly, they didn't know my sisters. just me. scary. finally! this was what i wanted but what i wanted was hard. even though i lived with people, i lived alone. i learned more about what i wanted. i learned more about everything. i learned painfully but quickly. i loved learning.

In the spring of my 21st year and as a junior in college, I moved to Colorado.
I decided i wanted eric in my life all the time. for a long time. possibly forever. i didnt want skype calls or phone calls or letters or packages in the mail. i wanted to walk beside him in silence and for him to meet me after a long day and give me a hug. i wanted him to make me laugh and have a light heart. i moved to colorado to be closer to him. i cried more than i had in philadelphia. my eyes were always red. i cried daily. every night. it was like brushing my teeth. i didn't know what i wanted. i never doubted that i wanted eric. i began hating alot. i hated almost everything except eric. there was no joy left. every inch was covered with disappoinment. i remember sitting on a bench on a sunny day in a park. there were geese on the lake. it was a public park. and i was just crying. i had cried so much it was no longer embarrassing. and i was angry so i didn't care that much. and then i went to church and i took notes and jesus saved me from my bitterness.

In the summer of my 22nd year, I married my boyfriend.
i wore a gown. it was really hot. he wore a white shirt that we picked out together at EXPRESS MEN. it was $50. i thought it was really expensive but i thought it looked so good on him. so we got it. and i worried the whole month of june. and all the way until july 31st and then i didn't worry anymore. i couldn't. i was just happy. i felt the happiness starting in my chest and going right out onto my ears and into my hair and beneath my toe nails. i felt how easy it was to smile and to keep smiling. all day. i didn't want to do anything but be nice to people because eric was so nice for liking me. he made me all sorts of promises that he said he would keep. he promised to stay with me all the time. no matter what. it was a huge celebration of nice. we wore pretty things and said pretty things. we danced and ate burritos and had pie. we got gifts and heard nice things from people. i loved hearing what people said to me but also felt like i wasn't in reality. i was happy to leave in my gown with my one person. it's funny how 300 of my closest friends is also just as preferable as being with just eric.

positive pointing #63: breeze+me=bff

2010-12-20T14:07:00.001-08:00

I'm thankful for cool, crisp colorado air & massive windows that cool off our mysteriously piping hot apartment (the heat is broken).

nothing better than a rush of frigid air when your fingers are puffy from one-too-many head-to-toe heat surges & are feeling like you just may be running a pretty impressive temperature.

like a glass of water for my state-of-mind.

positive pointing #62 : xmas=excursions

2010-12-17T12:14:00.000-08:00

In just a little while now a plane will take off from this local denver airport and take me and my bestie, eric to nashville, tennesee where these two individuals will be waiting to pick us up in a car that has LOADS of empty coffee mugs in the back all over the floor. (I know because, once upon a time, i've spent a solid hour retrieving them all and cleaning them & returning them to their spots around the neighborhood.)

can't wait to sip some coffee,
see this kendall christmas tree that i'm thinking is made of the stuff that legends are,
whip up some good dinners,
sleep on an air mattress in the dining room,
stuff some stockings with a bizarre collection of goodies,
& generally get outside of my colorado box (seriously. it's a solid square)
and hang out&low with these two peeps for the holiday.

merry christmas!
what are you doing for your holiday?!

photo by annie huntington

who is very talented and extremely busy so if you'd like to schedule a consultation with her you'll have to wait until the year 2013 when she graduates college.

positive pointing #61: mama to 2 fluffballs for 5 days!

2010-11-26T07:33:00.000-08:00

meet oliver & lucy. the two pups i'll be dedicating much of my time to over the next few days.

oliver likes to bark (preferably when eric and me are just drifting off to sleep.) and generally patrol the premises and thereby proving herself as good a guard dog as any! fluff or not!

lucy likes to cuddle. and MUCH to my delight, closely resembles an ewok from STAR WARS!

and i like having company during my long, coffee-sippin, breakfast-makin, music-listenin, mornings after eric heads off into that great great world (aka school or work)

positive pointing #60: he likes to draw

2010-11-11T14:03:00.000-08:00

...pictures of people floating in the sky with ropes around their ankles.
what goes on in that head of his? spasms of fantastic & snippets of epic.

positive pointing #59: happy sunday

2010-11-07T17:03:00.000-08:00

a hat-worthy morning
leaf accumulation on my windshield
& afternoon, homemade soup by me.

an all around soul-soothing sunday.

positive pointing #58:

2010-11-07T08:13:00.000-08:00

snatched this quote from the book i'm currently reading

"We love men not because we like them,
nor because their ways appeal to us,
nor even because they possess some kind of divine spark
We love every man because God loves them."

-Martin Luther King

positive pointing #57: reinvented print. woohoo!

2010-11-04T07:55:00.000-07:00

via the satorialist

cheetah isn't always just cheesecake diva.
sometimes it's splendid sophistication.

positive pointing # 55: happy to be myself

2010-10-28T14:10:00.000-07:00

...because if i am myself then the person who made this card is my father and if that man is my father, then i am happy.

thanks mom and papa, for always making me feel loved by sending me paper mail that arrives in my teeny mailbox. oh how i love mail that i can feel! slide my finger under the corner of that flap so the paper tears just so across the top. (mailboxes are infinitely better than inboxes.)

no matter how awful i am at calling you, your letters are always packed full with love and sunshine and arrive, usually, when i need those two things the most :) the timing is always impeccable.

positive pointing #54: party with my birthday presents!

2010-10-23T08:18:00.001-07:00

thank you CHALICE! for my wonderful little somethings that arrived yesterday. thrilled to pieces because
(1) my birthday is still going 23 days later.

(2) i have a yellow, bean shaped (um. cute.) reusable bag with an attached baggie for it to fold into! GENUIS design!

(3) i no longer have to keep all my checks in that cold, creepy, navy blue, wanna-be snake skin cover. so cold and creepy i could never actually keep it in my purse. now i'll carry my checkbook with pride baby. pride.

(4) i have a tin box of dark chocolate covered "nibs". fun to eat, fun to say.

(5) my scarf collection just recieved beautiful new member. i think it's sort of the prom queen of the bunch. making the others a tad jealous.

(6) i can now wear my love for chalice in the form of at hearty, arty little pendant. insert heart swelling with pride here.

getting gifts like these makes me feel endlessly KNOWN. loved.

what gifts have made you feel known & loved?

positive pointing #53: our operation station

2010-10-12T11:43:00.000-07:00

usually in the evenings, this is where Eric and I end up.

I adore it.

He works on his print under his decidedly-pixar lamp, scraping away with curious little tools. and I "waste" time on the internet researching countless things that I've been thinking about all day : recipes, craft ideas. I'll catch up on blogs that i like, and just generally pitter-patter all over. taking notes on what i find. all the while, constructing my to-do list for the next day. and every now and then one of us will break the silence with some useless piece of information which usually calls for some amount of action: a slice of cake, a glass of water, a bubbling laugh, a spinning around of my laptop so he can see, a read-aloud.

I know our evenings won't always look like this. The tides and our desires will turn and our evenings will start to look different. we'll commit ourselves to other people, other places, other activities --all lovely in their time.

but for this time, for right now sitting here in the eveings with eric is feeling alot like just what I've been waiting for.

positive pointing #52: newness

2010-10-11T07:48:00.000-07:00

It is most definently fall...

I've worn my thick black leggings
I've worn three different scarves
I've pulled the flannel sheet set & all my boots
out of a cardboard box yesterday
and wore my tall, brown pair two days in a row
(never got hot. infact, my toes were still a little cold.)
I've been sweeping yellow leaves out of the store
and craving soup in the evenings

and friday morning, i saw this little scene outside my window
and i knew it could not possibly be any other season but fall:

(yes, that's an acorn between his paws. just about died.)

2010-09-30T18:45:00.000-07:00

page from I Wonder by Marian Bantjes

positive pointing # 51: cell phone candids

2010-09-22T09:02:00.000-07:00

My cellphones's picture library is stocked full of still-life shots. In fact, the other winter, when I came across an enormous herd of elk in mountains of colorado--just dozens and dozens. I'd never seen an elk, so I could barely breath---I was denied a photograph by my little red phone because I had 'reached my limit'. By the time I'd deleted the proper amount, (pictures of toasters and rocks) the herd, I'm sorry to say, had drifted out of an adequate 'shooting' range. blast.

I never capture faces. Just objects. Arrangements. One after another. I don't know why I take them. I hardly ever send or show them to anyone else. I remember when I got a new cell phone and the red-polo clad, Verizon man told me that they may not be able to transfer all my photos from my old phone to my new one. "what? really? can you try?" I was surprised by hint of anxiety that made my voice squeak a little towards the end of my request and how satisfied I was when almost 30 minutes later, the transfer was a success.

june 12, 2010 - Asheville, NC

I think I could base my entire life, a short novel, the entire interior of my home and maybe even all my hopes and dreams on this shot.

september 19, 2010- Denver CO

the pumpkin seed, lightly salted, could be my new almond.
partly because they may be 1/1000 of the price and just as curiously tasty. not to mention, slightly in-step with the new season.

June 1st 2010 - Denver, CO

The Perfect Petal display window usually makes me stop--or at least slow--making me a perfect target for the steady and resolute stream of forward, 32nd-avenue walkers. It's a little dangerous but so worth the risk.

july 1st, 2010- Cambridge, MD

The first pie that my friend Annie has ever made.
haven't decided if it's completely inspired me or driven me to abandon all my pie-making endeavors completely. Either way, I haven't entertained the idea of pie-making since.

november 8th, 2008 -Philadelphia, PA

A poor little guy whose death gave the gift of a beautiful study on color, shape and line.

May 21, 2009 - Chattanooga, TN

Trying to figure out if TOMS made me feel like a ballerina, a ninja or a nonchalant outdoor enthusiast. in the end, they made me feel loved (as they were a surprise gift from eric during our summer apart)

positive pointing #50: carrot popsicles!

2010-09-17T11:11:00.000-07:00

when summer doesn't leave, you just keep on summerin'

popsicle maker : $8.09 on amazon
odwalla carrot juice: usually on sale for $5.99 at your local grocery

(ofcourse, use your favorite juice. my honest-to-goodness favorite is carrot juice.)

2010-09-15T19:54:00.000-07:00

kyrie: "eric, we're famous! look we're on a website!! well, your feet are." 

oh this is so fun!
thank you to a wonderful, courtney dial, for posting my wedding on her website, pizzazerie! and thank you hannah singer (goldmine girl) for hookin us up. you're boss :) it's so rewarding to see so much hardwork--and i know so many people worked so very hard on all the little details---make such beautiful photographs and lasting impressions on people. i mean, I know the day was magical--i get to be with eric always?!-- but that anybody else thinks so too is just, well, a cherry on the icecream! so enjoyed and loved hearing courtney's excitement about it all. she's seems like such a cheery thing. check it out! click here.

positive pointing #49: Molly Wizenberg

2010-09-10T19:22:00.000-07:00

I don't know who this girl is or where she came from
all i know is that i recieved her book as a gift at my bridal shower
and suddenly the dream of who i want to be has become a little more solidified.

she's a cook.
a baker.
a photographer.
a wife.
a writer.
a home lover.
but not the martha stewart or rachel ray sort.
(who i love, but molly has topped them in my book)

she's peaceful and quietly funny
and writes about her mother's high heels
and her father's abnormally skinny legs.
and then how to make the best french toast & potato salad

visit her blog. buy her book. (or borrow it when i'm done)
for goodness sake, be a homebody.

thank you, katie.

positive pointing #48: corners of our abode

2010-09-10T12:28:00.000-07:00

window from the bedroom into our kitchen. not even kidding. I can order breakfast so easily! "eggs and toast please."

matchbox from my trip to vienna, austria, polaroid of my winter-getaway with helbird and a little bird beauty from xmas 09' from mrs. kendall.

happy etsy banner, i'm so glad i found you again! i thought i'd lost you
and then you popped up over top my brother's wedding cake. well, hello!

a recent relic from a nearby thrift to temporarily relieve my
new longing for all things green-glass & some a good summer memory.

tired-face bushaws after our 3rd Howard wedding of the year. a few hours before our 21-hour trek back to that oh-so-sqaure state. (eric, you are my night-shift-driving hero!)

positive pointing 47: our honeysun in fort laudy

2010-08-22T22:30:00.000-07:00

plenty of read aloud mornings, feet propped on a wobbly little table

and english muffins with apricot jelly

jean cutoffs, mint green mo-ped, perfectly pink slip-ons from my Tobi

and endless stretches of road with my One-and-only

e + k = yeah.

positive pointing #46: my cupcake stand equals a quirky visual representation of six of my favorite people

2010-08-13T16:12:00.000-07:00

cupcake sign: lauren mae,

tree stumps: mr. ted cooney

tablecloth: mrs. kate huntington

flags: rachael sasscer (measured, cut and hot glued until the gritty end!)

cupcake & wrapper : a cupcake wizard, jeanne johnson

photo(s) snapped by: brae howard

and this is an actual shot of a bestie, sienna kendall

(who i am also honored to call my sister)

hey this blurred out thing is kinda workin here.

genuis, brae.

positiving pointing #45: we survived the airport(s)

2010-08-08T07:21:00.000-07:00

32 hours of travel time, 6 airports, 5 states and

absolutely zero reading material equals

bonus honeymoon hangout time.

and when i find the cord to my camera (be patient. i'm living in something of a post-atomic bomb survival shelter) I will show you some honeymoonin' pics (just a few.) and some summertime wedding preparation pics. crabs, oceans, poolsides, all my best friends in the whole world included. keep your socks on.

positive pointing #44: fresh

2010-06-30T21:24:00.000-07:00

www.joelwingo.com

careless bunches of wildflowers that become glorious together

www.thesatorialist.blogspot.com

clean, effortless style with just a tiny bit of edge (pretty little wrist tattoo)

sfgirlbybay

the outside's sudden ability to become an 'inside'
summer can be so hospitable.

positive pointing #43: warming

2010-05-21T23:02:00.000-07:00

so now it's summertime. (yes it is, i don't care about you, june 21st)
and it's funny because i think one thing that makes summer so much
better is not actually anything cold.
like popsicles, ice cubes or a swimming pool

it's fire.
the big burning mass of hotness that keeps all things toasty
even though they don't necessarily need to be.
the televison of cavemen and tired eyes in the evening.
the mush-i-fier of marshmellows.
the creator of smores and burnt hotdogs. (burnt is best. silence!)
the gravitational pull on small gatherings of people.
the lingering scent in your zip-up the next day
and the owner of all the black ash under your nails
the provider of the light that makes your friend's faces
beautiful and slow
(the present-tense polaroid)

and i'm remembering, suddenly, all of this.
it was the wet grass, the warm hot dogs in cooler buns, dirt where you can breathe it in,
the ungraceful slump in the
always-uncomfortable-but-whatever-keeps-my-butt-dry
camping chair
and suddenly, i remember

and

i'm thankful for rings of people
and late evenings of well-charred food
and warming earth.
(even those bugs, i like you too.)

positive pointing #42: surviving studenthood

2010-05-17T00:11:00.000-07:00

my goodness. Two A's and two B's on my "report card". How does this keep happening? Got all geared up and even indifferent about a C and there was not one to be had. Nothing less than a encouraging blessing.

a gift (good grades)
upon a gift (it's summertime)
upon a gift (I'm getting married).

Quite the onion of blessings.

courtesy of www.oncewed.com

oh. another layer:
had a wedding party tonight got the most wonderful things. The domestic goddess inside me is in complete bliss. My (our!) very own microwave, rice cooker, shower curtains, counter-top grill, yellow teapot (yes, it's true) and two jars of jam :)

I'm telling you. These are magical times I'm living in.

positive pointing #41: I'm thankful for my dog

2010-05-10T07:38:00.000-07:00

thesatorialist.blogspot.com

okay, i am not a dog person.

I think that they are at worst, deserving of death (picture skirt , wet nose and absolutely NO respect for personal boundaries)and at best, hairy, in the way and sucking up precious attention that should be given to hurting humans.

i do, however, have total confidence in finding MY dog.

Because, here's the thing: I've never seen my childhood dog, Jember, as a dog.

I remember looking her in the eye as a kid and thinking something like: "I know people call you a dog, but you couldn't possibly actually be one. I know better. and I'm sorry they call you that." Sometimes I'd just forget altogether that she was anywhere near the realm of being called something as horribly degrading as "dog". It would be quiet, just me and Jember and, call me crazy, I felt like we were having a conversation with no words and that there was just this peaceful, harmonious exchange of agreement happening. She would ponder. I would think. And there was nothing resembling doubt in those honest brown eyes. I gave her the same courtesy.

My house would be bursting at the brim with people and noise and, if summertime, insufferable heat. I, thinking only of sweet escape, would rush to the door yelling "outside? outside?" sweeping the leash off it's hook on my way. A few seconds later, a faint jingling would become a crystal-clear one as Jember arrived at my feet and dutifully sit and wait for the clipping of the leash, which we both knew was just a formality. Off we would go into the peacful world beyond my house: our river, our rocks, our piers, our field, and the emptying sidewalks of our little town. We'd walk, again, along our rows of sycamore trees that lined Hambrookes Boulevard and when she'd turn her head to me, I'd unclip that bothersome leash, watch her dash off, always gratefully, to a ridiculous gaggle of geese who were in need of some excitment anyway. I'd just sit in a sprawling ocean of grass and a sea of life-giving breeze.

Every dog is just a dog: a muzzle, some fur, four paws and, honestly, incredibly dull-witted. Jember is not a dog. My dog will not be a dog.

I am not, nor will I ever be, a dog person.

thank God for neurals part 2:

2010-04-23T23:59:00.000-07:00

www.sfgirlbybay.com

part two of the neutral-love post is very small
but so very beautiful.

here's my new revelation:

flat neutral is ok.
textured neutral is where the action happens.
that's where something like poetry starts to form in my head
and i have to fight to keep from grabbing a pen and paper
because the poem would end up cheesy
and completely nutso.

but that's how i feel
so instead

so i race over to my poor, overused laptop
log into my blog account
and throw up a picture
and i write a little ditto
and my poem becomes a short, shared declaration
and i'm settled again.

and waiting patiently for your words on the matter:)

positive pointing #40: thank God for neutrals

2010-04-19T23:27:00.002-07:00

www.sfgirlbybay.com

neutrals are killing me right now.
I'm not sure if i'm becoming a boring adult (yikes! am i?)
or just simply a sophisticated lady (hot pink? no way!!)
or perhaps I'm being swept along with the general consensus
and have no mind of my own at all.

regardless,

I'm in love with beige like never before.
I'm over the moon about grey.
gloomy? no no. a hushed beauty? yes.
White is taking over almost all the space in my design projects.
(negative space is my new darling. it's fascinating.)

rich and soft browns & the palest shades of yellow

but everyday i become more curious:
is this Kyrie becoming boring? It this how it happens? You just give yourself over to white walls and brown couches? And you think it's the best and perfect. and it's actually not. all you've actually done is do what everyone else has done. Is this how all that happens? People just, one day, get tired of color and discover neutrals and they fall in love with them

and with fences
and formulas
and frying pans
and ordering the same thing every time

is loving beige just taking me one step closer
to getting the same trim from the same hair stylist
every three months for the next seven years (at which the hair stylist will retire and i'll be forced to change. and be unwilling about it. and hesitant.) ?

ps. ok, so i'm not dying for the black and white slippers.

yellow then, yellow now

2010-04-18T08:26:00.000-07:00

fall 2008

spring 2010

together then, together now

positive pointing #39:home sweet

2010-03-15T12:24:00.000-07:00

I'm thankful for my home
that I share with one of the dearest people I know, lauren mae
(kyrie-mate perfection)
I'm thankful that when i'm home, I truly feel at home
and peaceful
there are snacks in the fridge
and there's laundry to do
and carpets to sit on while i do homework
and within all of that nothingness, there is harmony. finally.

I'm thankful that our house finally feels arranged and right.
and not lacking.
(I feel 'lacking' so intensely in my home)

and that all the parts of me that are inside of me
and in my head.
all the things i love
are suddenly in front of me. visible.
so I can rest and simply be.

I'd like to use my hands again, please.

2010-03-09T09:04:00.000-08:00

Sometimes

after I'm done struggling through a page of website coding
and when I'm in the thick of internet tutorials
or when the side of my thumb goes numb from clicking
and when I've been staring at a screen so long that it feels like
I'm running a temperature
and my eyes have a slight burning sensation
and my face feels ever so slightly
like it's sunburnt
from the light of my little laptop

I want desperately to draw again.
anything really.
like I used to.
before the computer occupied the space in front of my head
for more of the day than I'd like.

I want
the pencils. the chalk. the paper.
the smudge of lead on the side of my hand.
and a inexplicable smear across my cheek.

the whole bit of it.
I'd like to use my hands again, please.

Lighter Longings

2010-03-02T21:06:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I think I'd like to be a smoker

I like the idea of smoking:
taking a step outside
hanging out with people you don't know that well.
sharing what you have
with people you don't know at all.
concentrating on nothing but breathing
and looking at nothing but whats right in front of you
or beneath you
and just staring
loving something so much that you'll
stand in the freezing cold for however long
it takes to get it

and you have a pocket full of these pauses all day
and could even buy a romantic, hopelessly-swagger lighter
to add some charm.

and then i remember that it's soot
and makes my internal organs frusterated
and i get all discouraged.

maybe i'll just hang out with people i don't know that well
and stand in the freezing cold waiting for something i love,
and share with people i don't know
and ask to be excused from class
so i can go stare at the ground
or just concentrate on my breathing
for awhile

maybe i'll just go ahead and do that anyway
and suck on a lollipop.

positive pointing #38: Sandra Juto

2010-02-23T16:35:00.000-08:00

Look at things the way Sandra Juto does.

Simplicity people.
simplicity.
Life is in the subtle.
(i'm thankful for the humble power of white)

positive pointing #37: shut eye

2010-02-19T22:08:00.001-08:00

I'm thankful for a time to close my eyes
unplug
unengage
re-center
re-align

to leave the world
and come back,
magically,
a better girl.

good night, dear blog-friends.

Aristotle Thursday

2010-02-19T08:17:00.001-08:00

So i'm sitting in my humanities class today.
My eyes, for some reason, are still a little puffy from when I woke up even though it is 3:00 in the afternoon. I'm sitting in my usually seat on the other side of a giant "U" that is formed by the tables and sharing some cranberries with Bandera, the girl that sits next to me. Another day. Another philosophical conversation will ensue. My teacher is jazzed as always. All the usuals are there. And we're all talking. Discussing. This time about Aristotle's "Ethics".

Discussion is our only survival tactic to make it until 4:20. So we discuss the time away.

"So Aristotle decides that the ultimate happiness is found when we fulfill our function as human beings." Professor Banning announces happily. "What is our function as human beings?"

Simple question? Sounds so.
Any answers? none.

Why am I here?
Why do i own a bed?
Why do I set my alarm clock?
Why do I feed myself breakfast?
Why do I set out from my home, into the sprawling,
human-inhabited land around me, to pursue a life for myself?

...no really, why?

Does this not sound like the most elementery of questions?

In my mind, this should have been figured out by the ancient cultures long ago so we could get on to more important things. But, oddly enough, we are still stuck on it.

I am terrified with the conclusion I am drawing in my head as the silent seconds tick on: We are here (so incredibly here. Getting our hearts broken. Stubbing our toes. Mowing our lawns with ripped jeans. Saying things we regret. Loving passionately. Hating vehemently. Being so bored we could cry.) and nobody knows why. Or cares to figure it out. It's a fun discussion topic for students in humanities classes and for fancy people in churches, but outside those doors? on the streets? no. There are more important things to talk about.

Please tell me something that's more important than this.

It's like a bunch of people got together and just started making a house. And somebody stopped and said "Whoa whoa, wait. Why are we making this house?" And everybody just looks at him and shrugs their shoulders and continues to work, kind of bugged about this guy interrupting their conversations. But some guy goes "Good question. I have no idea!" and starts working again.

Can this possibly be the truth?

shots from my life

2010-02-15T08:04:00.000-08:00

that I want to show you guys but just don't have a great story surrounding them. just a moment in time where I pulled my little green camera out of it's case, aimed and shot and then slid it back in. have a look into my dailys:

lovers.

Sometimes (always) forget that I live in Denver.

sharpee, white-out and anthro. mag cutout.

funny art-room posters.

This is my uniform.

craft-making remnants.

unpacking mechandise at Starlet

print-making homework at Metropolitan State College of Denver ("metro")

admiring.

my home in it's usually blanket of snow.

pumpkin massacre on the street outside my house.

day before halloween.

positive pointing #36: snarls

2010-01-25T15:27:00.000-08:00

(I'm thankful for photos
that make me laugh and shake my head.
and remind me not to take too much seriously.)

sienna, please don't ever lose that breathless charm.
or that creepy, gollum-like snarl with the accompanying wimpy little claw-hand.

cutie bumpkin

2010-01-19T18:23:00.000-08:00

thesartorialist.blogspot.com

if i ever call you a "cutie bumpkin" it is because you resemble this whimsical creature.
I think most beauty rests in the perfect balance of opposites.

A little black, a little white
Torn jeans, a delicate top
A dress and chunky boots
a beautiful, young table with mismatched, aging chairs
A bit of glitter, a bit of tangle
A little sweet, a little salt
fresh green wall paint and an old clock
a bit of delicate lace, a rough bit of leather

skinny black jeans & a popped collar with rosy cheeks, a sheepish smile and a hint of curl.

it just works.
it just makes me happy.

positive pointing #35: my boy

2010-01-10T22:17:00.000-08:00

I am thankful for a boy who gives me his $600 paycheck and excitedly tells me "go buy your wedding dress!" before I've had the chance to properly greet him or sit down to dinner with him in the late afternoon. I'm not sure that the groom traditionally buys the bride's dress. I'm not sure what I did to deserve such kindness and generosity from a boy I've known only 3 years. I don't know how much dresses usually cost, what I will spend or which sort of style I want. but I do know that I'd dress up in a white sheet as long as I knew the aisle ended with eric.

positive pointing #34: sparkle sparkle

2010-01-06T00:02:00.000-08:00

I'm thankful for a boy with a ring in his pocket
and how one unassuming sidewalk splashed with white sunshine
and deeply submerged in the hush of a sunday afternoon
became the ground upon which one chapter of my life ended
and this new one began.

he calls me his girl-love.

2009-12-07T21:40:00.000-08:00

well, he's my rockstar.

positive pointing #33: untraditional!

2009-11-29T12:14:00.000-08:00

I'm am thankful for glorious color and outrageous ideas that enable "normal" to reinvent itself.

A rich lime green + white accents + a paper mache peacock + polka dot shower curtain + a blooming, striped trashcan. suddenly, the normal isn't normal anymore. It's not just a bathroom. It's the three dimensional equivalent to I-just-discovered-this-song-and-i-can't-get-enough-of-it. It's a tad of of the excitement you feel at the arrival gate of an airport, a tiny splash of christmas morning anticipation, a little of the happiness you get from mom-made blueberry pancakes on saturday morning and the pressing feeling that there is a heaven and this is a tiny piece of it.

I packaged Invisible Children

2009-11-24T12:04:00.000-08:00

Grace, Sunday, Innocent and Rosaline

Invisible Children Logo

Each case had the child's name attatched to a piece of rope that was..

connected to their story inside.

postive pointing #32: discovery

2009-11-15T21:32:00.000-08:00

This poster is for a favorite band of mine, Boister. (I did not design it but I'd like to know who did!) I keep a running file of surprising, inspiring design ideas on my laptop desktop for moments of creative dryness.I found and snagged this from the internet because I was struck by all the designs rules it seems to break. breaking rules is fun.

for example:

rule#32 mixing bright colors with pastels never works out well.

rule #27 a perfect row of circles isn't a good idea.

rule # 15 Lime green should never be used.

rule #64 all truly great designs have an incredibly minimal color palette.

I'm am so thankful when I am proven wrong in my design judgements,
cause it keeps me curious and invigorated.

such a wellspring of visual wonder out there. never ending.
keeps my booty dancin.

Chalice Visits II

2009-11-12T21:18:00.000-08:00

she got her nose pierced. i think it's pretty.

taking photos through mirrors without using the viewfinder is HARD.
this is about the 55th shot.

working late in the evening. empty shop. borrowed killer camera.

mommy and son. both blondies!

my sweeties.

Chalice Visits!!

2009-11-12T11:26:00.000-08:00

chalice by my side. where she should be. :)

Took Chali with me to meet Stef at Wash Park and have some yummy lunch with her and the little dude.
she's a wonderful friend. I'm blessed to have her here in CO with me.

please click to enlarge above photo and see just how adoring chalice's face is. it's presh.

babies are just so holdable.
look at his little face!

we are sisters. and we really like each other.

more coming......

better packaging makes yummier hot cocoa.

2009-11-11T10:11:00.001-08:00

^^dazzling. i know.

my redesign.

positive pointing #31

2009-11-09T14:19:00.000-08:00

Tonight I have to write a research paper
My brain feels very scrumpled.
I have to string words, paragraphs and pages together
logically. beautifully. intelligently.

My mind feels like a cryptic bundle of ugly.

It's disheartening
but strangely invigorating.

There is nothing quite like last-minute papers
to send me flying around like there's the world to save
and sleeping like I've done just that.

I thankful for a busy life.
for deadlines and workshifts
and closing times and budgets
because they keep me blazing forward
and feeling glowingly victorious on friday afternoons

and savoring my nothing moments.

positive pointing #30

2009-10-24T08:16:00.000-07:00

I'm thankful for almonds.

they are perfectly crunchy (for headache times and otherwise)

my stomach loves them (and dosen't attack me for eating them)

my mouth loves them (they've got a subtle buttery/sweet taste)

they can go with me anywhere because they can't be smashed and don't go bad (i think)

they are good for my body and my skin.

we've been good friends for a very long time now and I never get sick of seeing that petite, tear-drop face.

Did God make almonds just for me?

sometimes I'm tempted to think so.

positive pointing #29

2009-10-17T22:54:00.000-07:00

I'm thankful for little ones.

After seeing "Where the Wild Things Are" last night, I am throughly enchanted, once-again with the perspective children have of the world. not because their perspective is so pure and innocent--they are little sinners also. and sneaky little buggers too--but because it's so different from the average, logical adults.

they are effortlessly simple, honest and playful

in a way that adults can never be

either because we forgot how to be

or because we learned not to be.

i'm not sure if it's bad to leave those things behind.

i don't think it is.

but it was fascinating to me to sit in the theater last night and remember exactly how the inside of a cardboard box USED to look like to me--it wasn't a box. it was pure possibility-- and what it felt like to just sit inside a tent that I had just made; to collect all my books, some games and dolls and a lamp or two and then just sit there, utterly content.

that box, that tent, my home, my mother--this is the difference between adults and children i think--was my entire world.

positive pointing # 28

2009-10-13T20:34:00.000-07:00

i'm thankful forthe crunch crunch of yellowbrown leaves on my walk to and from my front door. Each foot fall is a photo. These color schemes are genuis! who thought of these colors? and to put them together? and to cover earth's floor with them at the same time every year?

my maker.

I'm thankful for the repetition. every fall is the same. leaves litter the floor. the sound is the same. it reminds of being ten in the fall, being fourteen in the fall, being at home, being at the neighbors, being a freshman in college, being in philadelphia--the shuffle, crinkle never changes. I could use some constants.

positive pointing #27

2009-10-10T16:16:00.000-07:00

I'm thankful that I get to work in a small, friendly environemnt with COLOR!
...that i work by myself--play my music, set my own vibe, do things within my system
...that i get to help people decide which hat suits them best
...that I can talk to random strangers on daily basis. (for some reason, really talkative customers are not annoying me at all yet. I just love to hear ALL about their day. i'm sure this will wear off)
...that I'm now comfortable, and not terrified of, the beast-of-a-register
...that I have another thing to focus on besides art and all the projects that await me; that need me. my mind can rest and i can just be girly.

positive pointing(s) #26

2009-10-01T17:00:00.000-07:00

good goodies from my poppy!
look closely people. click on it. you'll want to see it all.

of special note:

The Satorialist--THE BOOK. that is my red bull. page after page of yum.

two carved coins made into necklace pendants. super cool. Carved so only the profile of the face is left framed in a nice circle.

MadeByHank purple pencil case which i have showed off nonstop since it landed in my purse "look at this! my dad got it for me. admire it!!"

five couplets of glittery, feathery magnetic little birds to stick in any corner that needs brightening. oh. who knows me better than my father?

Eric sewed (yes.) me this pillowcase with fabric he found at a thrift store. is it not glorious?

my sweet gift from sienna. a true piece of herself thats fit for me.

Henry's mom gave me sunflowers last night! I'v never seen myself as a sunflower person and now, with them on my green piano, i suddenly am. we're getting along so well!

11 orange roses from my eric. not a dozen. The 12th one exploded off it's stem in Eric's rush to give them to me; caught the edge of the car door and face-planted into the pavement. sad but true.

and now, I am twenty one.

positive pointing #25

2009-09-29T21:16:00.000-07:00

My school used to be a Tuberculosis Treatment center.
5,000 people from all over the country came there in hopes of living.
Not for an art education, not for a change of scenery, not for vacation.
They wanted to live; to survive.
Most of them died on my campus.

For my class we are introducing ourselves to one of these people through the records that remain of them. I found a man named Sam Stahler tucked inside a manilla folder in the back of a cardboard filing box. Sam and me lived on the very same street in Philadelphia, only three blocks away from each other. About 60 years ago, Sam came to RMCAD from Philly, just like me. He left behind his family and his streets and everything he'd built his life around and come to know and was shocked, also, by the spaciousness of Colorado, by the thin air, by the towering mountains that you never grow used to; the snow-laden winters, the quiet people and he missed the bustle and motion of Philadelphia and felt the pain that distance created.

Sam died on my campus. He was 24.
Somehow this really puts things in perspective for me.
I'm thankful that I know Sam.

positive pointing #24

2009-09-28T21:07:00.000-07:00

September 28th will always be my own a personal holiday where I can celebrate these two miracles in my life. It's the day God gave me both these human beings to walk with me and stand beside me and generally sprinkle all kinds of goodness around me. They are continual gifts to me.

Happy Birthday Chali and Eric!
You don't know how bottomless my love is for you.

a little introduction to the vast world of Typography:

2009-09-22T12:12:00.001-07:00

Typophile Film Festival 5 Opening Titles from Brent Barson on Vimeo.

positive pointing #23

2009-09-20T19:33:00.000-07:00

Something about today was very quiet and peaceful. Most times, my quiet days are anxious, stuffy days. The silent fuzz of nothingness rings in my ears. I usually don't like it. Silence is, typically, seconds meandering over this way and that way and side to side; anywhere but forward. Silence means slow. I'll turn my music up louder, download sermons, make lists of things to do, places to go where I can go a get some noise (a nearby coffeee shop, Target, a friend's house). Who can I call? What plans can I make? I'll go running and turn my Ipod up until it fills all my senses!

But today was not that way. It was as if everyone was on the same page. Nobody wanted noise today, so there was none to be found. Even the sky was in on it. At about 3:00 it turned a pleasant muted grey. I turned off my radio during my drive to church. I ate lunch with Eric in the shade of an umbrella without much chatter. I kept my phone in the trunk of my car and had short, crisp chats when I did use it. Eric and I walked the deserted streets of downtown Denver to his emptied school Campus and down long, echoing hallways. I nodded to the few people I passed, and they pleasantly dipped their chin back. I wasn't agitated. I didn't get snappy. I didn't put on a show for anyone. I just sailed on the breeze of the day.

It was a beautiful sunday that repaired my mangled mind.
It was easy silence. That is a gift.

positive pointing #22

2009-09-19T22:25:00.000-07:00

I'm thankful for happy colors found in unexpected places.
Like here, in a back alley, on the back corner of an art supply store that sits off a busy street in Denver. A man had just finished painting the last bit of the yellow square when I remarked how great they looked. "Oh, there just a test run. Not sure what color we're doing the whole wall."

"Just leave it like it is!"
I wanted to say.
But how often do we say exactly what we should?

positive pointing #21

2009-09-16T07:53:00.000-07:00

I'm thankful for necklaces. Right now I'm wearing both my sister and my mother around my neck. The locket has my sister's face--and even a little note-- in it and the rose pendant was worn around my mother's neck on her wedding day. When neither my sister or my mother are around when I wish they were, I wear one of these necklaces and, ever so slightly, become calm and am able to put on finger on who I am and where I come from and who I am loved by.

positive pointing #20

2009-09-14T13:33:00.000-07:00

Eric made him for me.

positive pointing #19

2009-09-12T23:00:00.001-07:00

I'm thankful for a ceiling of grey clouds that made morning last all day. It gave my eyes a rest and allowed me a long, crisp run this morning that I've been sorely needing. It reminded me how cozy it feels to pull sleeves down over my hands upon stepping one foot out the door; the instant reflex that will shortly be followed by gloves being pulled on or slipping back inside for another layer or warmer socks. I'm thankful that winter comes slowly and allows us to adjust, to accept, to prepare for and embrace nature's chilly change of pace.